Sunday, 17 December 2017

Viz Bits

Roger’s Profanisaurus – Attenborough’s passport

Well Said

Stoop and you'll be stepped on; stand tall and you'll be shot at.
Carlos A Urbizo

News Thump

Trump and Hans Gruber
Donald Trump has moved quickly to prevent further attacks on American soil by the countrymen of notorious terrorist Hans Gruber.
Just minutes after watching a ‘documentary’ in which Gruber’s dastardly plot at Nakatomi Plaza was foiled by plucky New York cop John McClane, Trump insisted that Germany be added to his list of banned countries.
Despite several pleas from staffers that making policy decisions based on the plot of an 80’s action movie is not considered wise, Trump has insisted that to make America great again, people like Gruber must be prevented from entering the country.
He told sources, “They were probably radicalised by the Muslims somehow, Germany has a problem with them you know, everyone is saying it.
“The big blond fella was the sort I’d normally be rooting for, but as he’s basically an ISIS stooge he’s got to go as well.”
The move has come as further evidence for his opponents that Trump reacts to whatever is on the television in front of him at that moment.
Political correspondent Chuck Williams told us, “Whatever he’s watching, that’s what he’ll tweet about. Although normally it’s something on Fox and Friends, not a Christmas movie like Die Hard.
“There are a number of messages in there he could have chosen to enforce through government policy – there are drugs, weapons, corporate greed, police underfunding – but if the take-away he wants to go with is banning Germany, so be it.
“To be honest, we’re all a little shocked he’s gone down this route, we felt sure that a film which ends with a black guy shooting a white man was going to lead to him criticising Antifa or Black Lives Matters.”
NT

DYK?

It’s illegal to own only one guinea pig in Switzerland.  They get lonely.

Grim Reading

TeamPGDPts
1Man City184452
2Man Utd172638
3Chelsea181838
4Arsenal181133
5Burnley18432
6Liverpool171431
7Tottenham181331
8Leicester18126
9Watford18-622
10Everton17-822
11Huddersfield18-1421
12Southampton18-718
13Brighton18-918
14Crystal Palace18-1317
15West Ham18-1517
16Bournemouth17-516
17Stoke18-2016
18Newcastle18-1115
19West Brom17-1014
20Swansea17-1312